using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
