Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
