they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
