I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
