so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
