Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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