She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
