whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
