i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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