How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
