I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
