I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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