pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
