Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
