why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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