I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
