If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
