I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i need some magic done to my vagina
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
