She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
