Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
