Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
