Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
