I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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