Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
