She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
