shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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