I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
