Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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