Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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