***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
