Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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