there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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