Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
