We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
