we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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