So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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