I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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