I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
