this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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