Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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