my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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