last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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