Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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