look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
