No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
