I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
