between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
