mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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