His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
