What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
