She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
