why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
