So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
