i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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