pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No subtext here. People are naked.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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