If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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