Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
