I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
