jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
