You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
