He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize