security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
