Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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