i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
