i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
