Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
