so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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