But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize