the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
