I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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