Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
