i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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