How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
