normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
